Breaking Free from the Shame of Sexual Abuse: A Journey to Reclaim Confidence – Rising Phoenix Spotlight – Me Ra Koh

Jess spent years hiding—not just from the camera, but from the shame and pain that had silenced her for too long. The weight of sexual abuse had left her feeling invisible, afraid to be seen, afraid to take up space. Then, in a single moment of unexpected courage, everything changed. What began as a dreaded photo shoot became a powerful act of defiance, a moment that shattered years of fear and self-doubt. That day, Jess took her first bold step in breaking free and reclaiming the confidence she never thought she’d find again.

Jess’s husband gave her what she considered the worst gift for her master’s degree—a photo shoot. For Jess, having her photo taken was the one thing she avoided at all costs, shaped by the trauma of childhood sexual abuse. Despite years of therapy and even becoming a therapist herself, facing the camera felt impossible. “I don’t want to do this. I’m not interested. No thank you. That does not sound like fun,” she said, her resistance clear. But this isn’t just a photo shoot. I believe in the transformational power of the Rising Phoenix Experience, so I asked if she would borrow my confidence, just for this moment of breaking free from the shame of sexual abuse.

On the morning of the shoot, Jess walked in crying, still convinced she didn’t want to be there. She brought the dress that made her feel somewhat confident, the one she considered “just okay” in terms of making her feel pretty. But as the photo shoot progressed, her perspective started to shift. She began to relax, laugh, and even mentioned wanting to do this every year! When she saw the portraits later that day, the room fell silent. Then, through tears, she pointed to them and said, “She is brave, she is beautiful, and she is BOLD.” Those portraits are now displayed in her home office, serving as daily reminders of her strength and breaking free from the shame of sexual abuse. Every day, as she works with clients, her confidence rises—like a phoenix from the ashes.

Her Facebook Post Brings Tears

“I had a whole story planned for these pictures,” she shares, “but nothing seemed to be just right. I’ve held on to the prints and have hung them in my office since August 2024.”

“I stare at them every day and admire the girl that is staring back at me. Listening to her, growing with her, being moved by her, finding confidence in her, being inspired by the power that she exudes in her eyes. She is me but I don’t always feel like ‘her’ – so she sits with me, when I’m not sure, she nudges when I feel scared, she’s hopeful when I feel defeated and she’s restful when I feel overwhelmed.”

“Thank you to Joshua R. Ortiz for setting up an incredible experience and choosing to see me for everything that I am and can be. Thank you to MeRa Koh, Rising Phoenixes with Me Ra Koh and Brian Tausend for being experts in your craft and being such an encouragement during the day, I could not imagine having done this with anyone else.”

“And to me, I am so proud of the woman you rose up to be. You showed up for you. You pushed through the deepest, darkest, hardest parts and resilience became your anthem.“

“You are so powerful – (and beautiful, if I do say so myself!)“

I had to make her last lines bold because they leave me and Brian speechless. THIS!!!! THIS is why we get out of bed!

Transformation didn’t end with the photo shoot. It was a spark that ignited a deeper journey of self-discovery and healing. Jess’s journey was never just about a photo shoot. It was about confronting the fears that had held her captive for years. This courage didn’t just help her reclaim her confidence—it pushed her to achieve more than she thought possible.

If Fear Wasn’t an Option, What Would You Do?

Jess’s path wasn’t paved with privilege or ease. Raised by a teenage mother and an immigrant father, she grew up in a world where dreams often fizzled out before they had a chance to burn bright. No one expected much—except for Jess. Despite the struggles, she refused to become another statistic, pushing herself to graduate high school, fulfilling a promise to her mother.

But college? That was another battle. Three failed attempts left her convinced that school just wasn’t for her. “I wasn’t smart enough,” she told herself, letting doubt sink its claws deep. Then over ten years ago when I spoke at a conference called FLOURISH, Jess was in the audience. She heard me ask a question that shattered her limiting belief: “If fear wasn’t an option, what would you do?”

Jess didn’t hesitate—she saw herself walking across a graduation stage. That very weekend, she made a life-changing decision, and told her husband Josh, “I think I need to go back to school.” Expecting doubt, she was instead met with unwavering support. “Oh! Okay!” he said, and with those simple words, fear lost its grip.

The Friend Who Lifts Others from the Ashes

To Kendra, Jess is more than a friend—she is a guiding light. What started as casual coffee chats became a bond unshaken by time or distance. But more than that, Kendra has witnessed Jess’s transformation firsthand. She saw the woman who once hid from the world slowly step into her own power. She watched as Jess broke free from the shame that had held her captive, learning to embrace confidence, strength, and self-love.

“She is the hand that’s just there,” Kendra describes, “helping you feel the weight of life but never letting you carry it alone.” Jess has an profound ability to see people in their struggles, without asking them to be anything but themselves. But what makes her truly remarkable is that she now sees herself with the same grace and compassion she extends to others.

“Jess radiates light,” Kendra says, “and I hope she fully embraces that.”

Jess’s story is proof that rising from the ashes isn’t just possible—it’s powerful, and it can change lives.

Breaking Free from the Past: Embracing Courage and Transformation

After failing out of college three times, Jess found the strength to return to school. “I knew I needed to go back, but I was so afraid of failing again,” Jess shared. “But fear wasn’t an option. If I wasn’t afraid, I would go back to school.”

Despite the years of struggle, Jess found herself standing tall in the face of adversity. She didn’t let the past define her future. Instead, she took action, taking one small step at a time—just like she did during her photo shoot. Embracing fear and choosing courage over insecurity allowed Jess to transform her narrative. She kept moving forward, breaking free from the shame of sexual abuse, even in the face of failure and uncertainty.

After her brother-in-law’s passing in 2021, Jess faced another challenge—grief that threatened to overtake her dreams. But she refused to let the grief paralyze her. “I want to see this through,” she said, despite the heaviness she felt. Jess overcame the weight of grief, pushing through her sadness to accomplish what she once thought was impossible.

Turning Tragedy Into Triumph: A Grief-Fueled Decision

Breaking free from sexual abuse and overcoming grief became intertwined in her journey. It wasn’t easy, but she refused to let trauma or loss define her future. She pressed forward, proving to herself that she was stronger than the obstacles in her path.

Every step Jess took was a testament to her resilience. Through grief, fear, and self-doubt, she continued to reclaim her confidence, reminding herself daily of the strength she had built.

Reclaiming Confidence: A Daily Journey of Strength

For Jess, seeing her portraits every day is a reminder that reclaiming confidence doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a daily practice. “To see myself in a place of confidence, security, that’s a reminder I don’t need all or any answers because God is with me and leading me,” she explained. Those portraits are not just images—they’re symbols of her growth, of her ability to break free from the shame of sexual abuse, and of her commitment to build a future full of confidence and hope.

Now, Jess uses her journey to uplift others, ensuring that no one else feels alone in their struggles.

Inspiring Others: The Mission to Lift Up

Today, Jess dedicates her life to helping others on their own journeys of healing. As a therapist, she meets people where they are, guiding them through their own transformations. “I see beyond that,” she says, bringing hope to those who need it most.

For Jess, breaking free from sexual abuse and reclaiming confidence is more than just her personal victory—it’s a mission. Every client she helps becomes another testament to the power of transformation and the courage it takes to build a life beyond trauma.

Equity of Trust

We often hear that therapists need therapists. But Jess’s story strikes an even deeper place. She invested in herself to continue her own healing journey. Jess not only chose to face her pain through years of therapy, she went outside-of-the-box to uncover even more freedom through the Rising Phoenix Experience! Her decision to face another level of pain builds such equity of trust with her own clients. They may never know this part of her story, but she is able to lead them to their own freedom that much more.

You can’t lead someone to a place you’ve never been.

Jess’s practice is called The Exchange Therapy. If you are looking for a therapist who is trustworthy and committed to her own healing journey in all its many forms, who will champion YOU, look no further. Jess knows firsthand what it’s like to break free from the past and THRIVE.

Are You Ready to Break Free of Shame?

Jess’s Rising Phoenix Experience is proof of what’s possible when you choose to face your fears and open yourself to the Rising Phoenix Experience. Are you ready to break free of shame?

Take the first step. DM me on Instagram or message me on Facebook “rise” or fill out our contact here: Rising Phoenix page. Let me know in your contact form that you read Jess’s story. We are so excited to help you find new levels of freedom too!