Brian and I are headed back home after shooting a beautiful wedding in Maui. It has been WONDERFUL to see all the votes and encouraging words pour in for the Vacation Photo Contest! I’m thinking we’re going to make our 750 vote goal at this rate! How exciting! One Random Voter (Maybe you! Have you voted yet?) will win a slick, new Sony Cybershot camera! If you haven’t voted and entered your name for the cool prize, VOTE HERE!

Since we flew all the way to Maui, we decided to tack on a couple extra days. The day after the wedding, we decided to enjoy the local beaches. Brian needed to tie up some stuff for our work, so I went on ahead and found the perfect spot on the beach. I swam in the ocean, got out and sunbathed, read my book, took in the precious time that I had all to myself, and almost fell asleep to the sound of the waves. It was the perfect rest after a long day of shooting. And then the most frustrating thing happened.

As I’m lying in the sun, I hear a man say “Wow, the sand is hot! So hot! Isn’t it?!” No one responds that I can tell. He says it again. And then AGAIN! My eyes are closed, and I’m thinking ‘there is no way he’s talking to me.’ All of a sudden there is a shadow over me, and it’s the man. He’s talking to me! ‘Are you kidding?!’ is what I’m thinking. Why on earth is he talking to me?! But it doesn’t stop there. All I needed to do was nod in agreement, and he took that as his invitation to stay.

Once I acknowledged his presence, he started going on and on about his extravagant, rich life as a Maui resident. In less than five minutes he told me how he had three book contracts, was being nominated into the Hall of Fame for baseball, had an offer to make his life into a documentary film, celebrated his birthday with the Dalai Lama in Europe, and on and on and on. ugh.

I tried to show him I wasn’t interested by not responding, but he just kept going. He asked what I do. I thought ‘Perfect! I can tell him I’m married!’ “My husband and I are photographers.” I said. “Oh really!” he answered. “I definitely need to get your card.” Somehow my opportunity to mention Brian had turned against me.

“I don’t have any cards on me.”

He pulls out a pen and paper. “Here, right your name, email and phone number on this!”

In that single moment I felt overwhelmed. I didn’t want to give him any info, but I felt trapped. I was starting to lose my sense of power.

I wrote down our website. He insisted on a number. I told him he could find it there. He looked at me with this real dark-like look and said, “but it’d be better if you gave it to me now” for this and that reason. And then he adds the part about being a God lover and how this must be a God thing that we’re meeting. All of a sudden I was feeling not only frustrated but manipulated, tired, a little scared by the dark look on his face. I wrote our 800 number down-feeling more and more trapped. I’m thinking ‘Why do I feel so trapped? This is a public beach, there are people everywhere.’ Having been in therapy for years, I have some ideas of why I felt so powerless. This guy definitely pushed some serious buttons with me.

He eventually left, but the toughest part came next. The “beating myself up” part. I beat myself up like nobody’s business. Why didn’t I just get up and leave? Why did I give him any info?! I didn’t have to. Why did I feel like I didn’t have a choice? Why did I give all my power away?

What would you have done?

When Brian and I reconnected, I told him what happened but even my recounting of the situation was foggy. The whole thing felt so confusing. A myriad of emotions was running through me. I felt disconnected from myself, from my sense of power. I felt disconnected from the artist inside me. The artist within is very much the little girl inside me, and she wasn’t feeling safe after that. Every part of myself and my connection to myself felt like it was slipping away from me–as if it was drifting out to sea.

I knew I needed to find a way to get my power back (and fast). It was the only way to get rid of the sinking feeling inside me.

By the time Brian showed up, it was time to head to his surf lesson. I’d decided not to try surfing on this trip. I’ve never surfed, and the idea of it scares me to death. But, BUT, taking surfing lessons is on my list of “Life Goals”. And I did need to find a way to get my power back. Maybe surf lessons was the very thing I needed–something to scare the power back into me. Was I crazy?

I’m happy to say that by the third wave, I was up on the board and SURFING!

In that moment of exhilaration, I felt myself reconnecting. I stopped beating myself up and started feeling proud again. I stopped thinking of ALL the things I could have done different, and lived in the moment–the wave that was carrying me. Every time I tried to catch a wave, I felt empowered again. It didn’t matter if I fell a dozen times. I was out there going for it. I was looking for my sense of power again–I was swimming after it. And I was finding it.

Feeling power or powerless is connected to every part of our being. When we feel powerless, we put all our creative energy into the wrong place. Instead of finding ways to create life, we create death by creating ALL the 101 reasons why we are failures and don’t deserve a break. We feel ashamed of our dreams and ideas instead of invigorated and infused by attempting the impossible.

We stand on the beach and watch others surfing. We think of a million reasons why our life would be worse if we tried to catch a wave. We dip our toes in the water, but the moment we feel the cold we run back b/c it feels like a bite instead of invitation.

Interesting part is this…guess when I felt like I was getting my power back? Not when I was surfing. Instead, it was when I was floating on my surfboard and watching for the next wave. Just being there, out in the ocean, ready to go, watching for the new opportunity, waiting for it, focused on it–all of those dynamics were giving my power back to me. The actual act of standing on my surfboard and surfing was the icing on the cake.

Where are you at today? Do you feel like you’ve given your power away? Do you have a sense of awareness on what and when it happened? It’s amazing how you can move on with your day, your month, your life–and not even realize how much something has affected you. Do you feel disconnected from yourself, your dreams, your truth–the truth that you are worthy of pursuing your heart’s desires? Do you wish you knew how to get your power back? How to reverse the downward spin you’re in? Do you want to start putting your creative energy into creating life and not death–the kind of death that reminds you of all your failures and shortcomings?

I was ANGRY when that man finally left. And in the past, anger has been a negative. But not anymore. I love what Julia Cameron has to say about anger;

“Anger is meant to be listened to. Anger is a voice, a shout, a plea, a demand. Anger is meant to be respected. Why? Because anger is a map. Anger shows us what our boundaries are. Anger shows us where we want to go. It lets us see where we’ve been and lets us know when we haven’t liked it. Anger points the way, not just the finger…Anger is meant to be acted upon, not acted out…Anger is not the action itself. It is action’
s invitation.”

My anger was inviting me to regain my power. If you know what I’m talking about and have faced a similar thing, will you share what types of things you’ve done to regain your power? I would love for our readers to hear all kinds of ideas and in the process see that they are not alone. And I would love to hear your ideas too for the simple fact that there isn’t always a surfboard around when I’m feeling powerless. 🙂

Much love, Me Ra

p.s. Tomorrow we start building CONFIDENCE in Minneapolis (October 09)!! Check back tomorrow for all the new workshop details and your chance to register with the Early Bird Registration discount!

Keep up the VOTING!

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

Our Refuse to Say Cheese DVD series is continuing to grow, faster than we know what to do with! If you haven’t ordered your own copy yet, check out our popular Instructional DVDs Refuse to Say Cheese and Beyond the Green Box (They are BACK IN STOCK!! Yeah!!), our 101 Kits for starting or expanding a business in photography, click on the titles of your choice!