I hope you all had a wonderful weekend of dressing up. We certainly did. Brian was causing the neighborhood women to swoon as Edward Cullen from Twilight. I promise to show images soon. It’s also been fun getting your Halloween photos and hearing how you put my Spooky Photo Tips to practice! I’ll try to post a handful of those too. But today I need to post something concerning this week.
Pictage’s Partner Conference, in New Orleans, kicks off tomorrow. Brian and I regret to say we will not be there.
We were so excited to come because Partnercon is one of our favorite annual conferences. We were excited to share on our topic, but even more excited to hang out with many of you, friends we only see once or twice a year. So what happened? Why the last minute cancellation?
When we were in NY last week, I felt like Pascaline was having a tough time. She didn’t seem like herself. I felt like she was struggling to feel grounded and having a hard time focusing. We did an unusual amount of travel in September and October. For some of the trips the kids joined us, and for a handful I went alone. We try to pace our calendar, but sometimes unexpected things come up and you need to get on a plane. Those unexpected events added up over the last two months, and I ended up being in six cities in October alone. When Photo Plus happened in NY, I could tell Pascaline was feeling the weight of our travel schedule.
Our kids are pretty amazing. They roll with the travel schedule in a way that blows my mind. In some ways they’ve never known any different, but it’s also because we have a ton of family support, the beauty of homeschool, and an awesome nanny from the best nanny agency in london. The kids will sometimes count the days until our next trip because of that special weekend their going to have with Grammie and Papa. But you know when that moment comes…and the air around you has shifted. The feeling around the moment is so abstract, so subtle, and yet it’s staring you, wide eyed in the face. And in that moment, you know your kids need you more today than most days. It isn’t traumatic, and if we left today for New Orleans, I know the kids would survive. But I feel deeply about the fact that life isn’t about surviving. Life is about much more.
Last Thursday, Brian and I went down to the local cafe and I asked him to consider canceling. Did he think I was off base or in left field? He was a bit taken off guard, but he heard me out. Then he looked at me and said, “We’ve built so much of this business by listening to your intuition. If you feel strongly about this, we should listen.” I felt so strong but so conflicted. I didn’t want to let our Pictage family down, and especially the wonderful photographers that were planning on attending our talk. And yet, as I sat on the decision, prayed about it, thought it through, what bothered me most was the idea of having to tell Pascaline I needed to leave again–knowing her spirit wasn’t ready yet for “again”.
What was equally troubling was if I didn’t listen to my instinct now, it would be that much tougher to listen the next time. I’ve worked so hard, for years, to listen that small voice, I couldn’t ignore it now.
The title of our talk was Revive the Artist in You: Live the Impossible Life. There is no way I could stand up and speak on this topic when I knew my little one needed me back home.
When I called Jim Collins, CEO of Pictage, he blew me away. He told me he would personally make himself available to anyone that had been referred from our blog. (So find Jim if you are there this week b/c he wants to meet you!) He asked me a couple other logistical questions, and then he said “Now Me Ra, I want you to take three deep breaths. We’re going to miss you, but we will get through…and I hate to break it to you, but your not Super Woman.” I have to tell you that I broke down in tears because I never expected Jim to be so understanding.
Our life is crazy and not in balance. That’s right “not” in balance. I gave up on balance a while ago because it only led me to compare my life with others–with other lives who weren’t anything like our own. And then I realized it’s not about living a balanced life, but living a life that listens to your small, quiet voice inside. Living a life of prayer and teamwork with Brian. Living a life that makes BIG plans but takes things one step at a time with prayer wrapped all around it. At times my fears and insecurities creep in. I don’t find a ton of women in my position, and I feel the need and desire to continue breaking ground. But I wonder if I’m kidding myself because maybe it would be easier on all of us if our family had mom at home and dad at work. I NEVER thought I would be a working mom—ever. But for some reason God had other plans for me and my family, and here we are. And it feels right. Not always easy, but right.
I do apologize to all of you who expected us to be there. Please email us if this unexpected news throws your conference off, and Jim and I will figure out a way to make it up to you. (mera@fioria.us)
I want to thank Jim and the rest of the Pictage family for being so understanding. I feel more supported and loved by Pictage than ever.
After Brian and I made our decision, I told Pascaline I canceled my trip. Over the next few hours, I watched her body unwind. It’s like I could see her shoulders let down–her spirit exhale. On the way home yesterday, after her first piano recital, she said “Mama, I’m so glad your home this week.” I smiled inside. I can’t always cancel the trip. But this time, I knew I needed to. She needed me a little more than the average day. She would have survived if I had to go. But I’m so glad I didn’t ask her to survive. Instead, I get to love on her. I get to make homemade soup with her, take a walk in the Fall leaves, come home and light a fire, wrap her in my arms and let her know that in the midst of our exciting, crazy life–I hear my little girl.
I see her.
-m
God Bless you for listening. It is so easy to not listen and get caught up in it all. Relish in the time together because it goes by all to quickly and she will be grown. Believe me, my oldest is 14 and it was only yesterday she was 4, and it will be ‘tomorrow’ soon.
MeRah – We are bummed that we will not get to see you again and meet your husband or hear you speak, but there are bigger things in life than just speaking… You are truly living what you preach and we respect and admire you guys even more for that and God is going to continue to use and bless you both for that. – Zach & Jody
this is precious and priceless Me Ra…. I am reminded of the verse that (paraphrased) says “what good is it to gain the whole world [or another photog friend, or another gig] and yet lose your own soul [or the souls of the precious children God has placed in your home and heart and life]?” not worth it. ever. i have always respected you primarily for how you pursue both your family life and your business so hard and so successfully. I even mentioned it here: http://thebokehpot.wordpress.com/category/arizona-phoenix/
i respect you even more today. inspires me to get off the computer this morning and go snuggle with and pour into my own girls….. thanks for listening to God’s whisper in your heart. 🙂
Me Ra,
I was excited to see you, but I needed to hear this more. As my kids asked me, “Momma, is this your last photoshoot?” yesterday. I got to spend all last week with my kids, as they had colds and yesterday got to take a long walk to the beach on a warmish fall day. It was hard for me to leave, but the kids were okay. I sit here with glistening eyes, as I know those heartstrings oh so well. You will be missed, but enjoy your time to nourish (all of you). Prayers please for the NO benefit on Thursday. I’m one of the ten photographers photographing 200 families (yes, I feel crazy), for endurance and speedy learning of radio poppermajobbers. Much love to your family, Pamela
Me Ra,
Do you have a recommendation for someone to give me the 411 on radio poppers? Also, after this post, I feel even more empowered to help ladies around my area with having a photo business, yet ALWAYS putting our kids first.
When I’m thankful for something you’ve said, I find myself doing the Anne Lamott prayer, ‘Thankyouthankyouthankyou.’
Blessings,
Pamela
You are a GREAT mom, Me Ra. xxoo!
You are an amazing mother!
Wow. What a lucky little girl. You have a wonderful family.
Me Ra, this is such a beautiful and touching post. You have a successful and inspiring photography empire (sorry, that sounds dramatic, but “business” doesn’t seem to cover all your do!), yet you clearly know where your most important job is. Bless you and your family this week and always!
Thank you for that. Thank you for loving your kids first. Thank you for the reminder that the best decisions aren’t always the easiest. Thank you for “Living a life that makes BIG plans but takes things one step at a time with prayer wrapped all around it.”
Good for you for knowing what your family needed the most… We too have a business (event production) that involves traveling all over the place (most of the time with the kids in tow)…most of the time they do more than roll with it – they thrive on the travels & new adventures but every so often I have to make the call to change our plans, to be home, to re-nest, to re-connect. It’s hard letting others down, but its even harder letting our kids down….
HUGS Me Ra, to you and your family. Thank you for being you.
As I wipe the tears from my eyes reading this, Me Ra, thank you for putting in print some of the exact same conflicting feelings I have about traveling away from my family for work. I too never imagined I would be a working mom and there are days that I don’t want to be a working mom and then the next day I can’t even imagine life any differently. Bottom line, you and Brian are such awesome parents – because you listened to your inner voice and family needs and were fortunate enough to be able to change your plans. Thank you for once again documenting in your blog. Many of your posts touch my life…but this one touched me that much closer. Have a wonderful week with your family and hugs to you all.
Love…..Tana
Good for you Mera for listening to that small voice. That is such a hard position to be in when you feel like listening to that voice causes you to let others down. I have to say that Jim is a total hero to me in this story. I’ve been in SMALL scale situations like you’ve described here and “my Jim” wasn’t full of grace & understanding but condemnation and accusing. Your Jim is an amazing man and I can see why you are so loyal to Pictage. 🙂 Have a great week with Pascaline.
i wish my mom had listened a bit more when we were growing up! thanks for listening- there will be other conferences.
I needed this today. You are such an inspiration, Me Ra (and it’s great you’re an awesome photographer too!). 🙂
It’s funny that your blog is about this this morning because my husband and I were talking about “balance” yesterday and we both thought that sometimes that buzz word gets used as an excuse to not give enough attention to things that need it, i.e. God, family, relationships etc. Sometimes we shouldn’ be balanced but all in on one thing! I think you made the right choice!
Wow! You continue to be an inspiration (*tear*). One of my worries as a working mother is neglecting to “hear” my child’s needs. I too have a wonderfully supportive husband to take over when I’m off on a photoshoot…but I often wonder if I should cancel/reschedule demanding jobs. It’s nice to know even the best of us needs time to rest and reconnect with our families. Thank you Me Ra.
That made my day.
You know what I love? I love that you’ve surrounded yourself with people who get it. We’re drawn to you, the people who get you and get what you and Brian stand for and believe in. Jim’s response to you makes me love Pictage a little more.
Thanks for reminding all of us what’s really important in life
Thanks for sharing with us – what you said about balance and comparing ourselves to others really hits home.
Now you’ve got me crying….MeRa, well said…I think a lot of women (myself included) needed to hear this…Emjoy your little girl…You only have one, and she won’t always need you the way she does now…Good on you MeRa. Love to you all.
good for you guys! good stuff….hang in there.
Me Ra, you are a beautiful and wonderful mother. To know that your girl needed you and be willing to sacrifice something important for her is amazing. I love this – “And then I realized it’s not about living a balanced life, but living a life that listens to your small, quiet voice inside. Living a life of prayer and teamwork with Brian.” My husband and I aren’t living very balanced right now, but we’re doing our best to be a team and pray through it. Thank you for sharing. Pascaline is a blessed little girl. 🙂
that is super-wonderful! 🙂
This made me step back and think of my own “busy’ness” around my kids. So I thank you for that! Your kids will thank you……….they are very lucky to have parents that will listen to their inner voice and following through with that. Enjoy your week with your family!
I have tears in my eyes as I type this – wow. Gosh, what a needed reminder to go beyond just surviving….I’m in the process of trying to get my photography business off the ground and I’m spending so much energy – physical and emotional – on that. I so need to remember to listen to that quiet voice (the one I have been pushing aside these past few months)…..I pray you will be blessed with the time you have together as a family this next week. Thanks.
Jill in AZ
Wow, I continue to be inspired by your words. You are not only an amazing photographer, but an amazing mommy too!
Amazing. I love this post Mera. The quiet voice is hard to listen to sometimes and eventually gets louder and louder. You truly are an inspiration to be able to hear that voice at its lowest whispers and take action.
love it!
Katie (San Diego)
Rock on mama, and rock on awesome partner(s).
The kids and I bundled up today and did homeschool at the park under the fall trees. Everything felt right in that moment. It was such a gift to come back home and read all your comments. Some of you have sent me emails with such incredible honesty. And I love that there is a community on this blog where moms (and dads) can feel encouraged in the road of parenting/providing while trying to build our dreams. What a crazy journey we’ve all undertaken, yet, would you have it any other way?
Some of you mentioned Pictage in your comments, and yes, Pictage is an amazing community with a new, incredible leader (Jim Collins). Pictage has never been “just” a pro lab where we have our prints fulfilled. They have always been an amazing community to me and Brian. I’m so excited for what people will experience this week in New Orleans. It’s going to be amazing.
And most of all, Brian and I really want to thank Zach and Jody of Gray Photography. I had the unexpected pleasure of meeting this couple in NY after I finished a Sony presentation. Zach and Jody have an incredible energy and are doing inspirational things with their business. They have totally blessed us by stepping in at the last minute and giving their presentation in our absence. Zach and Jody, Brian and I can’t thank you enough for your support and help. I know your session is going to be awesome.
To all my beautiful blog readers, we keep on keeping on. We are mining through the tunnels, in search of our big dreams, often feeling like we’re gropping in the dark, and yet taking care of our babies at the same time. If you haven’t given yourself a hug today, do so now. What you do, attempt, dream, achieve, risk and love is breath taking. I’m so proud to be a part of all of you.
Much love, Me Ra
MeRa, so proud of you! What amazing parents you are to your kiddos!
Love ya!
Sue
MeRa,
This is probably the best post I’ve read on your blog…and I’ve read a lot. Thank you for being an example to moms everywhere (and young women like me who want to be a mom someday). Family always comes before other people. And when that order gets out of whack, the kids get out of whack…and so do the parents.
I am so grateful for my own parents who strived to always keep their priorities straight: God, marriage, children, others. It’s done wonders for us as their children to know they would put anything aside if we needed to talk.
You and Brian are to be commended for being willing to say no and set boundaries. Jim is a jewel too. 😉
What a tender heart you have. And what a great mama you are. This brought tears to my eyes. Well done-great choice!
This is why I absolutely admire you guys. Love you guys!
It really comes down to priorities and you have yours in the right place. You will not always be able to cancel, but whenever possible family must come first. With life in such a fast pace most of us have going, it is very easy to let family slip down a notch or two.
Way to go, I admire you.
[…] reading your heartfelt comments and emails from yesterday’s post, I can’t think of a better time to start our Running […]
wow – poor kiddos – what little troopers – im so glad u get to unwind with them – xoxoxoxo!
Brian as Edward? Swoon!
Thank you for this. Absolutely beautiful.
Amazing.
I am grateful for you MeRa, for being a trailblazer and saying “no” to your dreams for a minute. For stepping away from everything you’ve worked hard for in order to follow intuition.
For putting MeRa on pause, and giving full attention to Pascaline. For not ignoring what makes us unique as women… that tiny voice. What a gift that tiny voice was!
Sometimes I feel as if women, in order to be successful business people, need to be as cool as steel and ignore our intuition. Our feelings. Our little voices. You break that perception. Continuously. I hope one day I can too…
Thank you for this today! Blessings to you, and Pascaline. (And ok, even Brian too! ;))
You are a wonderful mom!!! Good for you! I know everyone will understand. I feel very strongly about family and I feel strongly about listing to intuition. I think you made an excellent choice. 🙂
Enjoy your mommy and daughter time 🙂
Good for you for doing what’s right for YOU and your FAMILY! I think sometimes we so easily get on the fast track of do, do, do. We take on too much and lose sight of what can quickly slip away. You are such an inspiration and a great role model on so many levels!
Me Ra: Congrats on being brave and listening to your intuition. I’m sure the kiddos will remember this time with you as very special and comforting only to make them prouder of their super mom!
I’m still learning from you, as I’m improving myself. I definitely liked reading all that is posted on your site.Keep the aarticles coming. I liked it!