For those of you who have been following Me Ra and Brian’s Thailand Adventures Part Deux, you know – like I do – what an amazing (both in good and bad ways) trip it has been so far.
I gotta tell ya, I had been working on a photo tale to share with you all that was about lighting. But, after reading what has been going on in Thailand and Cambodia, it just wasn’t working for me to think about the technical aspects of photography right now. I have been so inspired by the SOUL of photography after reading Me Ra’s posts.
And, frankly, my family and I have been put through the ringer these last few weeks. Oh, nothing like almost perishing on an airplane or facing the harrowing reality of orphans being sold on the street for $10. And especially nothing like facing some crazy jungle fever! But the kind of “stop and take stock” that is uncomfortable. I described it on MamaBloo as losing my OOMPH. But the bottom line is that it looks like my days as a Stay at Home Mom may be over. I knew they would come to an end someday and I absolutely acknowledge and embrace what a gift the past five years has been. But I haven’t been ready to jump back into working full time, and with a 12 month old at home, my heart just feels on the verge of breaking when I think about leaving her. I mean, like big chunks of my heart falling off of my soul.
So, I picked up my camera. Hoping it would soothe me.
I looked at my baby girl and there she was dressed in her brother’s hand-me-down tie dye shirt, our only green option for St. Patrick’s Day:
And then I went back through my 100s and 100s of pictures. Looking for just the right ones. The ones that said, “this is my baby… my Emme.”
And I realized something.
That even if my white balance isn’t right:
Or the lighting isn’t the best.
Or something just isn’t quite a masterpiece:
Or I still need to work on how to set all the dials and knobs on my camera:
I can still capture the soul of my child.
And that is just what I needed to know.
(Stay tuned – that Photo Tale on lighting is still coming!)
Kari – Thank you. Thank you for the reminder to be kinder to ourselves when looking at our images. And thank you for reminding us to look from a perspective other than the technical. Way to easy to get the narrow-focus thing going on sometimes. Personally, I really needed this nudge out of that space right now. Oh, and what a beauty your baby is!! Her little heart and soul literally jump off the screen in those pics.
Thank you for such a beautiful post and such wonderful pictures. You’ve helped me remember to enjoy the spirit and joy in my babies’ pictures and not worry so much about the lighting and composition!
You can have no idea how much I needed to hear that! Thank you so much for setting aside the technical for today and speaking to my heart.
So Awesome-! I am a huge fan after meeting you and look forward to reading on and following you and your work and the beatiful people you and your family are and all that you capture through an instrument/tool to create such remarkable images and stories. I was deeply touched meeting you and sincerely hope you are feeling better. I hope to reconnect with you in the future in Los Angeles. Enjoy!
Thank you for all your wonderful comments today!
Wow Kari, it’s so great to hear this for me, just beginning. Thank you for the touch on my soul.
love it! so very touching. i am sorry your heart is breaking, kari. i imagine so…
and also i feel not so alone technically. thank you for that. better weeks ahead, i hope!
sorry that your heart is breaking, kari. i worked for a bit when my oldest was 18 months and i was oh so sad…but she was in the room right next to me so it wasn’t too bad. i got a job at a daycare. after leaving the daycare i was pretty sure it was just a horrible option all around until we moved across the street from a home-based daycare. the woman was really great, and judging by all the happy screaming i heard through out the day and the kids that would throw a fit when it was time to go home…i fantasized about dropping my young children off there from time to time. i think they would’ve had a lot of fun.
hope you find a wonderful place for your babies to go to that makes you all happy.
((((hugs))))
oh, just wanted to add that please disregard my dumb remark “after leaving the daycare i was pretty sure it was just a horrible option all around” because i’m sure there are some great ones out there. bleh…wish i wasn’t so good at sticking my foot in my mouth.
I aways wanted to be a stay-at-home Mom. I was finally able to do that when my oldest was 9 months. I stayed home with her, had my second daughter and my husband fell off of a ladder and…our lives changed. I am very grateful that he was not paralyzed. He is able to walk, etc. But not able to work. I had to go back to work when my youngest was 15 months and it broke my heart. I remember the tears, emotions…like it was yesterday. It was a terrible time. My youngest is now 9. We got through it. Journaling really helped me. I also wrote letters to my kids in journals for them. I wish I had had my DSLR at that time. Your pictures are beautiful. Thank you for sharing. Big hugs to you! 🙂
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Kari, this reminds me so much of my battles to get one photo, just one, of Alex when he was a toddler where he was looking at the camera, smiling and NOT drooling! I was horrified at the wet shirt fronts that showed on every portrait or photo taken. I considered having him wear a bandana around his neck but was convinced he would hang himself…so changed his shirt constantly. At about 2 we found out he had low muscle control in his face and with speech therapy monthly, his drooling stopped at about 2 1/2 and starting talking in full sentences! Now, at age 14, one of my favorite pictures ever of Alex is his passport photo–taken at Walgreens when he was 17 months old–with a long string of drool hanging ever so precariously from his lower lip. Of course, he wants it burned!
Makes me want to get my camera out.
Makes me want to bust my camera out.
I agree. Some of my favorite photos are the ones where my kiddos have mashed avocado, bannanas etc. in their hair and giving me this adorable, loving look. Even the fuzzy blurry ones (sleep deprivation might have had a part) are still precious because you’re right, it captures a moment in time. My 13 and ten year old get all those same “candid” shots in a different way–eyes rolled , uncoopereative twinkling eyes that really still love getting their picture taken —even now that they know what it means! Thanks for reminding me about capturing each stage and moment and really “seeing” it!
Everytime you write something or share a photo of my beautiful grandchildren , you touch my heart. And of course, tears roll down my cheeks. Love you and all of them–mom
Tonight I will be putting in the other battery in my camera and taking shots of my boys! Thanks Kari! Emme is beautiful!
What a wonderful post. I tend to get discouraged when I don’t get all the settings for a picture “just right”….but I need to remind myself that the picture itself is priceless and can never be duplicated….especially the ones of my babies. Thanks for reminding me. :0)
This photos make me to want children. Thank you so much.