Finding Healing

Secret to Overcoming Self Pity

Me Ra Koh

There is a secret to overcoming self pity.  But the funny part is if you REALLY are stuck in the mud and muck of self pity, you don’t even want to read this post!  However, if you give me less than five minutes, you may find breakthrough.  It’s a perspective shift that is necessary but often not considered, like this gorgeous photo Brian captured of the sunrise over the Dead Sea.  You don’t think of gorgeous colors like this when you think “Dead Sea, Israel”, and yet it’s there if you are willing to do the mile high hike at 3:30am.  Secret to overcoming self pity is there for you.  You willing to make the climb?  The view is worth it!  Promise!

Dead Sea sunrise, Brian Tausend

When I blogged last about How to Determine if You are Failing and Succeeding, I was thinking the Secret to Overcoming Self Pity has to be the follow up post.  Isn’t that what we all feel when faced with disappointment?  I don’t know about you, but when I stepped off that scale last week, Self Pity grabbed a warm blanket from the dryer and wrapped me tight.  She encouraged me to just rest, get cozy, and nurse those wounds.  Maybe even finish off the pumpkin pie while I’m at it.  After all, I’m not having a great moment and deserve to at least TASTE something yummy, right?!

Self Pity is a nasty one.  She’s must be first cousin’s with Doubt.  At first glance, her words sound so validating.

“You don’t deserve that.”

“You’ve worked so hard.  This isn’t fair.”

“You’ve given so much.  When will you have what you need?”

“Your bank account only has so much?  That doesn’t make sense?  Will this ever change for you?”

With every twisted validation, you feel yourself sink deeper and deeper until the sun has dried up all that mud surrounding you, and you now find yourself immobilized.  But don’t forget about the odor you are sending off.  Yes, odor.  Have you ever walked by a dried up mud flat and sniffed the nasty odor that comes off it?  Icky bacteria that is stagnate.  Makes you want to run the other way.  And you wonder why you are getting that impression from your friends.  That odor is what your friends and family are smelling when you are keeping close company with Self Pity.  She says it’s because they just don’t “get you”.  The truth is you’ve started to stink. People wrapped in Self Pity’s blanket are not the friends you are looking for.  Their input will only cause you to stink even more.  You need the secret to break up that dry mud and walk away from Self Pity.

The secret to overcoming self pity…

Here it is:  Write down your starting point.

That’s the secret.

Write what the scale says.

Write what the bank account balance is.

Write what the status of your marriage is.

You’ve got to know where you starting from to track your progress.  And there is a WORLD of progress to be made.

It’s such a simple, easy step, but we resist doing it.  Last week, I saw what the scale said, and wanted to eat another piece of pumpkin pie.  After all, I felt discouraged and on top of that Costco only sales pumpkin pie during the holidays!  WAHHHHH!  (anyone feel me?)  Instead, I re-opened the free app My Fitness Pal and entered my weight I hope I could drop with some premium exercise bikes I saw online and get some supplements as the top protein in the UK to purchase at to use along the exercise.

If I don’t start somewhere, I will simply never start.

I bought a tracking device, I clip on my bra to track my steps.  My goal is 10K steps a day.  Most days I take 7500-8000 steps, but that’s still 5000 MORE steps than I was walking during the holidays.

secret to overcoming self pity

I set a goal to drink a 100 oz of water a day.  (It’s super dry in Dallas.)

I decided to start recording what I eat in My Fitness Pal again.

secret to overcoming self pity

Oh man.  Self Pity was RIGHT THERE!

“You shouldn’t have to track what you eat!  You already eat so well.  You don’t eat wheat.  You don’t drink any caffeine.  You don’t have dairy.  My goodness, if anyone should get a break on tracking their food, it should be you!  The problem can’t be how much you were eating the last six weeks.  You do sooooo good.  Don’t spend the energy on tracking your meals.  You already work so hard as it is.”

My spirit finally burst with all this noise, and I yelled “SHUT UP!”  That’s what I had to yell at Self Pity.  “SHUT UP!”  I mean, I had to get MAD!  I had to get sick and tired of listening to that voice.  Some of you need to get mad about the mental state you’re stuck in.  You need to get fed up with how you smell.  I’m not an angry person, but there is a time to get angry.  And Self Pity may approach all gentle-like, but she needs to be FORCED OUT with resolve.

After a few days of tracking what I was eating, low and behold, I was reminded I can still over eat when you have food allergies!  LOL!  Food allergic people find ways to make up for it.  Am I right?!

When I’ve been sitting for two hours, my UP device reminds me to get up and move.  It’s amazing how fast two hours goes by when you are working at your computer.

And since I started with the secret to overcoming self pity (by writing down my current state) within a couple of days, I started to see progress!   I was able to track it.  Turns out I was super dehydrated.  Just moving more, watching my calorie intake and most of all, drinking twice the amount of water, shed the first 5lbs in a week!

The secret to overcoming self pity is accepting the status of where you are, and deciding to set goals beyond that place.  I love how Zig Ziglar talks about expecting obstacles when you set goals.  He writes “If there wasn’t something between you and your goals, you would already have everything you want.”  Wow!

Knowing we will face obstacles gets us strategically thinking about how to overcome them versus praying and pleading in the corner that we don’t face any at all.  See the difference?  It’s small, but it makes ALL the difference in the world.  How much energy do I spend fretting about possible obstacles versus strategically planning what to do when I face them because I will face them.

This new year is so special!  You’ve never been so prepared for a new year.  You’ve never known so much, held so many creative tools, had so much hard knox experience under your belt, and been this wise.  You may look at the New Year and see defeat waiting for you.  Instead, look behind you.  Look how far you’ve come.  Look at all you’ve learned.  Look at how you grew last year!  And then look down.  Look at where your feet are standing.  Write it down.  Write down the current status of your life, your family, your business, your weight, your dreams…and then set some goals beyond this place.  This will give you the best treat your spirit’s taste buds ever had!  Being able to track your progress, see that you are moving forward, is the “daily treat” that will make you leaner, stronger and more motivated!

So how about it?  Why not tell Self Pity to take a hike!



Restart Your Creative Spirit, Online Class, Me Ra Koh

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Here is what students from last year’s Restart Class said;

This was soooo fantastic! I can’t wait for next week!! Thank you so much for offering this!

I’m sitting here feeling so blessed and beyond excited to let the waves of 2014’s “Ah-ha” moments rush over me. Thanks Me Ra & Brian!!! Can’t wait to see coming next week.

I have been encouraged in every area of my life not just restarting my creativity! It has been like having a best friend come along side of me and peel away layers so I can be the person I was created to be! Thanks Me Ra for everything you do!!!!”

Restart has not been an easy process for me… all this soul searching and answering tough questions. But I am loving it! It is exactly what I need!

I completed week 5 and loved this class! Thanks for restarting my creativity!

I’ve loved the class. I’m sad that it’s over. After the final video I cried, wept even. It was such a release. This restart has been so eye opening, it has grabbed me by the heart and lead me to a path that I am looking forward to following, even with not knowing exactly where I’ll end up. Big things have happened in the last month and a half. Just by allowing myself to go there.
It’s weird how things kind of just fall together when you follow your heart. It’s still going to be a lot of work, but at least I know what I want to work on…. for now. :) Thank you for being. For showing up, being your authentic self and sharing your heart. It’s been a process and will continue to be so. I look forward to this journey. I am excited about it. Now I will approach it with a courage and acceptance that I don’t think I would have had if it weren’t for you Me Ra. I am happy to have you in my life.

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  1. Christin says:

    How much energy do I spend fretting about possible obstacles versus strategically planning what to do when I face them because I will face them…I’m writing this on a post-it and sticking it to my computer!

  2. Me Ra says:

    Yay Christin!!! That is so AWESOME to hear! Glad this inspired you and even more, empowered YOU!


  3. Scott says:

    “Look how far you’ve come. Look at all you’ve learned.”

    ~ Me Ra Koh