Artist Living

Deeper Lessons in Portrait Photography!

Me Ra Koh

(It’s one of those long posts today so get your coffee. :))

Back in April we had our wonderful, fragrant, yummy Sonoma Photography Workshop. I have yet to show you my special blog post for this workshop!

But today, I wanted to share with you about our Add On Day with Rick Chapman and some deeper lessons I learned in Portrait Photography.

Rick is an amazing photographer. He does wonderful portrait work for celebrity athletes. But he also has this HUGE heart that oozes out of him when he talks about his family or his photography. This is Rick with his little guy. (fyi, these great workshop images are by Garrett, our fearless Sonoma Workshop Host! Thanks Garrett!)

For the Add On Day, we were given the honor of going to Rick’s home in Stinson Beach. Wow, what a place of quiet inspiration!

He started our time by showing us a breathtaking book that was all about his wife, Leslie. Get this…every page of this book was a single portrait he had taken of Leslie over TEN years time. Rick told us he prepared this in secret and surprised Leslie. He described this as a personal project in documenting that constant, changing beauty of his wife over ten years time. (Oh my goodness, there wasn’t a dry eye in the room at this point!)

As Rick began to teach his approach to working with clients,

he described how he begins a portrait photo shoot. He first starts with one question, “What’s the one photo you’ve always wanted of yourself but never had?” He said that since his clients are often well known celebrities, they’ve had thousands of photo shoots done. So he likes to start with their desires. What a wonderful way to start a portrait shoot, don’t you think?

As the day unfolded, I told Rick there is a portrait I’ve always wanted of me and Brian that has never been done. I asked if he’d be open to trying this idea out while at the same time modeling a photo shoot for the group. Rick was more than willing.

I had no idea what kind of an impact this experience would have on me. Weeks later I’m still processing this photo shoot and the journey he took us on.

So what’s the portrait I’ve always wanted of me and Brian?

It’s a moment when we’re not laughing but the connection between us is ever there and powerful. If you’ve met us you know we laugh a lot together. When people take our picture we’re often being silly. But I’ve always wanted a more serious shot of us–something that reflects our deep losses, the pain we’ve gone through–and shows that their is beauty and life with these things in mind.

As a photographer, I find that sometimes it’s easier or more comfortable to encourage and capture the laughing kind of energy. It’s true to life too. It much easier to be with people who are having a good time, then to sit with someone who is suffering and know you have no answers. This is why I love the verse that says it’s better to visit the house mourning then the house of praise because what a gift it’s been when people have visited my uncomfortable house of mourning.

I told Rick about how we’ve gone through a lot of pain in our marriage. We’ve lost much and still carry the sadness from it. I told him that I want to believe beauty lives in the sadness too.

I want our kids to see that suffering doesn’t stop with the pain: the suffering can also create beauty and goodness. But then I told Rick my two fears. One, I was scared to go to that place with a photographer because it felt so vulnerable, and two, I was afraid that the more “serious shot” wouldn’t be “pretty”.

Pretty? It sounds petty, but it was how I felt. Would I myself see beauty in the serious shot or prefer to stay comfortable with the side of us that is fun? Rick being the safe and gentle artist he is created a space for Brian and I to risk discovering the answer for ourselves.

At first we were laughing because we were nervous. I think it was great for the women attendees to see that even though all three of us are professionals, it still takes work and a little time to get into the core of of your subject–no matter how much experience the photographer or clients have.

When the nervousness started to die down, Rick asked us to close our eyes and think of our children and the gift we have in them.

After a couple moments of our eyes being closed, he asked us to now open them and for me to look deep into the camera with all that I’m feeling.

This is what Rick captured.

He had Brian move behind me and play off the dynamics of our marriage. Brian is the total cuddler between us that often holds me together when I feel like I’m coming apart.

And an unexpected snuggle.

Rick helped Brian and I find a quiet place within ourselves. It didn’t come right away, but he guided us and then all of a sudden we were there. As he was shooting, I could feel the pain, the loss, and the energy of life. It was a moment of such enduring strength.

To have this photographed was an amazing gift.

I realized that even though I wanted these type of images done, I was afraid that I wouldn’t like what they looked like. Or better said, I wouldn’t like what I looked like. Was I comfortable seeing my own serious side, the part that feels the suffering more than the joy? Would I think this side of me was beautiful when captured in a portrait?

As you can imagine, so many lessons were taken from our time with Rick. I know the women who attended took away their own powerful lessons (maybe they’ll share some in the comments…:)). Not to mention how excited I am to ask my clients, “What’s the one photo you’ve always wanted of yourself but never had?” Can you imagine the diversity in answers you would get?!

Rick, thank you for helping us see that yes, their is beauty in the quietness, in the loss, and in the sadness.

We are in debt to you.

Share:

  1. Wow, what a gift. These ARE beautiful images. Thank you for sharing YOURSELF on your blog. You are an amazing woman and I look forward to meeting you one day soon.

  2. Me Ra, my eyes teared up from just looking at the images and the story behind the images. Thank you for sharing this with us. Amazing.

  3. Me Ra, it’s so great to see these wonderful photos from our add-on day! I can remember standing there, watching Rick work and wondering what he was seeing through his camera. What he captured in you and Brian is so much better than what I ever imagined! He really is amazing, and I feel so privileged to have been a part of that day. It was great seeing some of the shots Rick and Garrett just took of the NBA Finals teams on Garrett’s website. You introduced us to some AMAZING people! Thanks again, and I miss you guys!

  4. Katie says:

    Those images are so powerful and beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

  5. Shannon says:

    Hi Me Ra, I love how open you are as a person, & as a photographer, it is a gift to all of us who read your blog in more ways then I think you know!!! That being said….THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL YOU DO!!! I wanted to share my thoughts with you on those AMAZING photos of you & Brian…Not only is there beauty in sorrow, but the “eyes are the window to your sole”…I SEE JOY!!! You may have lots of things that have brought you sorrow, but your eyes are still smiling!!! I think you have come further then you realize, or should I say further then you are allowing yourself to realize?! You & Brian are an AMAZING couple, & I look forward to the day that our paths cross, as I know someday they will!!! Much Love & Many Blessings, 😉 Shannon

  6. Amanda Mays says:

    OMG I’m freaking out over this post and the pictures! You are more than beautiful!!! I have so much to say… But no time right now! I’ll be back 😉

  7. Lauren says:

    Me Ra, those images are breathtaking. I’m with the other ladies on this one – you are so beautiful (not just outwardly – your spirit just *sings*), and you are so open to us. That drew me in to your blog far moreso than your gorgeous pictures.

    What beautiful, beautiful pictures for you two to treasure and share with your family forever. How wonderful!

  8. Denise says:

    THIS is the best post Ive read in awhile – out of all the blogs I read – this one is so amazing. Thank you for sharing those words and photos.

  9. Me Ra says:

    I receive.

    This post and lessons within are so dear to my heart. It’s amazing how as women in particular we have a hard time accepting the beauty in us. Just today I was having lunch with a dear friend, who is absolutely beautiful inside and out. But she doesn’t feel that way and was redirecting all my compliments becaue she doesn’t feel beautiful. I told her about how I sometimes say “I receive” instead of “thank you” when people give me compliments. It’s sometimes a little easier than thank you but doesen’t feel as hard as “thank you”. And yet, it can still take their kindness in.

    I receive friends, I totally receive.

    xoxo

  10. srilu says:

    MeRa –
    This was such a wonderful post.

    Often times i am guilty of not commenting as much as I would like but i just had to come out of hiding and tell you how inspiring this post was to me. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself with us. And, these are my favorite pictures of you and Brian.

  11. Kristin says:

    MeRa, your post and pictures literally brought tears to my eyes. I was so touched by all the emotions. The photos were amazing and I know will be treasured by you and your family for years to come. I can’t wait to meet you in Chicago. I am newer to your blog and you have already touched me so much. Thank you…. You are truly a beautiful women inside and out.

  12. Jen MacNiven says:

    You are truly blessed…to have knowledge about yourself, your family, your pain, sadness and happiness in life..and to share that in a way that touches the core of everyone reading…it’s such a gift.

    You and Brian both radiate beauty…a true beauty that everyone is immediately attracted to (love your goofiness too!). I think these pictures are wonderful and you do look so ‘pretty’ (the one of you looking in the lens and brian looking off to the side is my FAVORITE). I’m sure you’ll find some space on your walls to hang that one up!
    Congratulations on being able to capture that photo you’ve always wanted!

  13. jeramy says:

    vulnerability….that’s the key I guess. I spend a lot of time in my world laughing to cover all sorts of other emotions. Some good, some bad. And for lots of different reasons. Your post has made me wonder if I do this for my benefit, or for the benefit of others. It’s funny how all us humans are all the same…all having pain in our lives, and yet all trying to pretend (for the most part) that we don’t. Good post. Thanks Me Ra….

  14. Julie says:

    This is such an important post! Thank you SO much. I’ve always wondered why I liked the serious or dramatic shots more than others; I’m not serious or dramatic at ALL in my life. I almost felt like I had no business pursuing those types of shots because it obviously wasn’t “me”…lol I have came to the conclusion with this post that I am so serious and dramatic on the inside, that my outward self is the opposite just to balance it out!

    Lastly, I have to tell you, I had the same desire for the serious but authentic picture of me and my husband. I accidentally took it last summer in the back yard. To me, it was a shot only I would see the beauty in; there was something so incredibly private about it. It had so much power I immediately printed it and hung it in the bedroom. I almost didn’t want anybody to know about it until you did THIS POST! How can I not blog about your post and include my own personal experience, including the shot?! Thanks again, your transparency is gift to countless others.

  15. Kathleen says:

    Me Ra,
    Beautiful post and beautiful pictures! Thank you so much for sharing so much of yourself on this blog. You truly are an amazing person and I cannot wait to meet you.

  16. amber says:

    I think one of the things I loved about meeting you both was knowing that the pain and hardships that you have lived through were such a rich part of who you are today – who I got to meet in person. Thank you so much for sharing that truth and yes, beauty.

  17. Michelle says:

    Wow..just beautiful. I feel so lucky to have met you both and I can look at these pictures and see how much of you they really capture..the joy and the sorrow.

  18. Paulo Jordao says:

    You guys looked so relaxed… Great pictures!
    Paulo Jordao

  19. Mary V says:

    Me Ra
    I am so glad I have found your blog. I immediately saved it as one of my favorites and I’ve been coming to check it every day!! I’m a mom trying to learn photography so I can better capture my baby’s precious moments and this blog with your pictures and words of encouragement and how-to’s are EXACTLY what I need!!! You seem like just an amazing person all around. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, life lessons and gift of photography with us. You are your hubby are so cute together. Also I just got your Refuse to Say Cheese DVD’s in the mail and cannot wait to watch them!!!

    Thanks again!!!
    Mary (from IL)

  20. Sharon says:

    These pictures of you and Brian are breathtaking…

    I still seem to be speechless when I try to talk about the workshop and the add on day. Rick and Leslie opened their home to us and so much more… I’m normally such a goof and a big chatter box, and I was actually speechless. When you said that Ricks heart just “oozed out of him” I was nodding my head! So true! And to have been there learning from him, in his home was a big honor.
    Watching Rick work with you and Brian was something else! So much was going on… everyone felt it. But, Rick was perfectly at ease with the emotion and just went with it. Watching him work was such a valuable experience.
    I’m such a blessed girl to have been taught not only by you and Brian but, Garrett and Rick! And my fellow Sonoma Rockstars!

  21. Gretchen says:

    Wow Me Ra and Brian-the photos are breathtaking and the post that describes the emotions within takes my breath away as well and makes me feel like I am almost intruding on your life.

    I am most critical of photos of me and feel it never shows “me”. How blessed both you and Brian are to have this series of photos that capture your emotions and feelings. Wow. I am so looking forward to meeting both of you in Chicago.

  22. What incredible beauty and strength is shown in your vulnerability. The pictures of you and Brian speak volumes of tenderness,care, enduring and embracing pain. These images serve as an incredible gift to connect you with all of who you are…they are sure to remind you of all you have been through and the gratitude you have in sharing life together. The legacy of LOVE these photo’s will leave for your children is such a treasure. Thank you so much for sharing! You are truly beuatiful..keep receiving.

  23. Kelly says:

    Amazing Me Ra.
    You give so much of yourself to others.
    It is truly a gift.
    Thank you for sharing all of this.
    The photos are breathtaking but, your words… wow. Just wow.

  24. Lauren says:

    I was thinking about this post all afternoon and evening yesterday and I was thinking about how my pain and loss have affected my life. I’ve been thinking about how I’ve responded to those things, and what I’ve done with them. Have I used them to nurture growth in my life? Or have I used them as a crutch or an excuse when I’m feeling down?

    I’m not sure that I’ve come yet to a place where I can take a deep wound and cultivate it into blessings or hope or even just… a place of rest. That house of mourning you spoke about.

    I would love to be able to find that kind of rest in myself. What a great model you are with your vulnerability and openness. And I loved your response to us – “I receive.” That blew me away. Love you, Me Ra!!

  25. Michelle says:

    You and Brian are such beautiful people – inside and out!

    As I read your post and saw the images, I felt your pain and tears started falling. You have such a way of writing that I feel connected to you – like I am there with you.

    You are an inspiration when it comes to healing. I like to lock away the feelings until I want to scream. You remind me it is okay to be vulnerable and that it is okay to heal. I have learned through you that healing does not mean forgetting. THANK YOU for being the beautiful person that you are!!!

  26. Misty says:

    Oh my goodness! I’m totally choked up and trying to hold it together at work! Me Ra! Those are some of the most BEAUTIFUL images I have ever seen of you and Brian. The one that did me in was the 2nd one down. And then the last one sealed the deal. Totally fighting back tears. I love you!

    What a wonderful lesson to apply…I can’t wait!

  27. John&Lauren says:

    It’s one thing to read about a new photography tip or suggestion but when it comes from as deep a place in your heart as you just shared, it becomes something so much more.

    You never cease to amaze us Me Ra. Your work and your life will always be an inspiration to us.

  28. Me Ra these are so beautiful. I am really humbled by these images. Thank you for sharing with me.

  29. Elena says:

    Just happened across your blog and I am AMAZED. Amazed by your images and the personality most of all! This blog has very warm and cosy aura, I will be definitely coming back.

  30. Garrett says:

    Hi Me Ra and Brian,
    It is great to see these images online and hear your side of the story…you got me, eyes watering…I miss you guys…I miss the whole group (hi to all)…I want to do that again…WE WILL.

    Tanya can’t put down the camera….she is loving the camera right now and asking lots of questions….Me Ra you have inspired Tanya just like you have inspired many.

    Thank you.

  31. What an amazing post, and wonderful images. Thank you for sharing of yourself and your feelings. What a difference you make in the life of others…myself included. (Now I need to go find a kleenex.)

  32. Addie says:

    Me Ra, the portraits of you and Brian are so very beautiful and full of truth! What a wonderful creation between Mr. Chapman and yourselves…..mix honesty with creative gifts and what a phenomenal result! Every day, the two of you live life from your heart…whether it’s a sad day or a happy one. And that truth is a generous gift to those who know you. There are many of us that are thankful for your encouragement and example! Remember, my daughter Chelsie? Well, thanks to you, she just took some awesome shots of a friend who wanted some senior pics but hadn’t been able to get any done. Chelsie took one of our white rocking chairs out to a field and snapped away for some wonderfully creative shots of her friend! I don’t know if you realize it or not, but you are a distant mentor for Chelsie and I want to send my heartfelt gratitude for being such a wonderful example in my young daughter’s world. Hugs to you both!

  33. Dana F says:

    Hi Me Ra –

    I loved seeing/hearing your perspective of the day with Rick. I am still overwhelmed by all that he managed to share in that afternoon.

    It was a pivotal moment for me, watching him shoot you, after he had shared with us his thoughts and feelings about photography. It is a day I will be forever grateful for, and for those I shared it with!

  34. Lyndsey says:

    wow sounds like a very wonderful experience. I love how you explained the part when he asked you both to close your eyes and think of your kids, and then open your eyes with all of that emotion. Very great technique, with wonderful results!

  35. Genie says:

    Beautiful post from all angles. Sensitive, vulnerable, revealing. Thank you – it’s a privilege to be allowed in this way.

  36. Laura says:

    Absolutely beautiful images.

  37. Rick Chapman says:

    I am embarrassed to say that I have just found my way to all of this warm and rich dialog surrounding a very fun day at my home with my family, Me Ra, Brian, Garrett and all of the great women that chose to be there with us. I missed the blog in June somehow but was led back to it after reading about the recently made canvases of my portraits of Brian and Me Ra. It was a wonderful day for me, sharing what I know and do with such enthusiastic participants. A number of you sent me hand written thank you notes which touched me in many ways. So thank you……for thanking me!

    I hope to see the canvases in person one day, Me Ra and Brian. It would be great to see you again. Wishing you and all that read these words a fulfilling summer and rich photographic experiences!

    Sincerely, Rick Chapman

  38. Andy Martin says:

    What An Incredible Post! I love word pictures…
    To think that everytime you look at your portrait you will remember your children and the gift that you have in them. That is simply amazing.
    Thank you for impowering me. From now on I will use this as a way of taking my clients experience to a whole new level.
    Talk about helping your clients “get into the moment”….

    God Bless,

    Andy Martin