Happy First Monday! It’s business coaching time from Karen Buckley from The Wisdom Connection.
Summer is fully here and I don’t know about you but sometimes it leads to an inner conflict. At my house it looks like: go to the beach or complete this client proposal; the garden needs pruning or the piles under my desk need filing; my son needs help finding his college apartment or the next chapter of my book is ready to be written.
It’s an either/or that becomes a lose/lose (no one wins!) unless I find a personal identity that reconciles both my businesswoman and my mom selves. First though, to reduce the first level of the conflict, I need to clarify my businesswoman identity so that it matches inside and out and then discover a way that it fits with the rest of my life.
We all have our own life to pursue, our own kind of dream to be weaving. And we all have some power to make wishes come true, as long as we keep believing. Louisa May Alcott
As usual – let’s start with a couple of thought provoking questions! I know you have so much to do but if you can – please – take a moment, quiet your breath, and consider your answers. Here you go:
- Are you confident or sometimes unsure in your sense of your self as a businesswoman?
- Do you ever experience a conflict between your role as mom and your role as business owner?
- Do you feel like you don’t know the ‘real you’?
If the answer is yes, you may be experiencing a conflict in identity. Erik Erikson coined the term identity crisis and believed that it was one of the most important conflicts people face in the maturation process. Today we are going to focus on one part to get started – our businesswoman identity.
One of my best girlfriends, Mary Gelinas, just helped me understand that I’m in the midst of an identity conflict! My passion and vision for my business grew larger than the size of my sense of my self. I’ve felt confused and found myself clinging to past ways of doing things, while I really wanted to move into the future. My goals have changed but my view of who I am and what I am capable of hasn’t yet caught up. It’s hard to drive with one foot on the gas and one on the brake! Do you ever do that?
When your identity is clear – you feel confident and self-assured. Your clients trust you because of the match between your inner picture of yourself and observable ways that you behave. Your outer brand and the role you play match your insides – your capacity, distinctive character, and your commitment.
Today we’ll take a look at whether you experience a match or a mismatch and give you 3 steps that can line them up into an identity that lets you soar.
Start with these 2 questions: write down your answers or talk it through with a friend. Or – get creative! Take two photographs, draw two pictures, or act out these two characters! J You can answer either question first.
1. Your outer businesswoman identity: Describe your role or identity as a businesswoman from the outside perspective. List 3-5 attributes that your clients or friends would use to describe you as a businesswoman – these are visible behaviors or roles that others can see and experience. (For example your role might be described as: photographer, artist, or teacher. Your attributes might be competent, experienced, new to business, good with money, confused, speaking timidly, charming, an artistic eye, etc.) Ask someone if you don’t know.
2. Your inner businesswoman identity: List 3-5 attributes that you would use to describe yourself as a businesswoman from the inside out as well as the role you envision for yourself. (For example your role might again be photographer, but it might also be “beginning photographer” (which you might not necessarily share with your clients as much as you feel it.) Also list attributes describing you from as the businesswoman you are inside. (These might include: full of innovative ideas, small but determined, competent, smart, creative, determined or unsure, hesitant to act, afraid to make a mistake, good with numbers, nervous speaking in front of strangers.)
Now write a summary of each and compare. Are they the same or different? Most of us have some difference…some part of us that is growing inside to match all we want to be doing in the world. Or maybe we’ve grown inside and perhaps our outside roles or the way we are seen by others feels too constricting!
In response to this assignment, one of my coaching clients drew two really amazing pictures with chalks on black paper – one of her inner and one of her outer identity. While she found many similarities, she discovered a big difference! She possessed an inner identity as a writer and yet she had created no opportunities to be a writer or to be known as a writer in her work. That represented a frustrating conflict!
3 steps to reconcile your identity conflict:
- List the areas of agreement and the areas where inner and outer identities conflict.
- Describe: the gifts of your old identity and the gifts of your new identity. Appreciate them both!
- Write a new statement of identity and 3 actions you’ll take this week to give it a chance to grow.
You’ll feel more personal power when you create a match between who you are inside and out. BTW – it’s really important to not beat yourself up in the process! When the inner/outer match isn’t there you’ll struggle. When your inner being and outer behavior line up – you are on your way to less confusion, more integrity, greater success and less guilt!
I’d love to know – what did you discover? Did you find a conflict or are you coherent – a match inside and out as a businesswoman? If you are growing into a new identity – what action will you take to help it grow?
P.S. For fun – here are 3 pictures of different parts of my outer identity as a businesswoman! Corporate Consultant, Small Business Coach, Motivational Speaker. Do I get confused? Sometimes…..:)
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Just published and finally available to you! I’m super excited at the incredibly valuable tips these top experts share in this book! Fay Freed and I were selected to write a chapter on Women Leading Change.
Another goodie! If you are ready to catalyze a change in your life or work – we’ve posted a free report on The Wisdom Connection website that gives you 3 Keys to Cultivating your own readiness for change. Be smart in how you introduce a change to get the results you really want.
And!!! A new free tele-class scheduled with an amazing teacher: Jan Phillips. You’ll love how inspiring she is! Her workshops on the east coast are already completely sold out so we are lucky she’s made time to join us for a call. Sign up today to get the access number.
